Sexual Struggles and the Church

What Believers Must Remember

Reading Time: 6 minutes

In a world where our sexuality is a focal point, it’s not surprising that understanding sexual struggles (and sometimes resulting sin) can be problematic.  It shouldn’t really be surprising — the Church and culture speak different languages.  The key is understanding why and how to humbly move forward in grace and truth.

Sexuality and the Church

One of the biggest problems within the Church is that we may not fully understand the difference between temptation (or struggle) and sin.  On the other hand, we seem to be quite good at categorizing our struggles. For example, any sexual struggle is said to be a bigger issue than any other struggle. There even seems to be bigger and lesser struggles within sexual struggles.

Paul made a point to speak of the significance of sexual sin (1 Corinthians 6:18), but that significance isn’t really about being lesser or greater, rather how sacred our bodies are. The Church in Corinth clearly didn’t understand that significance.

In order to understand and respond to sexual struggles, we have to understand some fundamental concepts.  Here are five things the Church must remember:

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30 Goals for my 30s

What will the next ten years look like?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

I know age is only a number, but I’m not satisfied for my 30s to simply be a duplicate of my 20s.  In an effort to grow, I’ve put together some goals for my next decade.  Some of these are more general aspirations, but you’ll get the idea.

30-goals-for-my-30s
  1. As a family, define, establish and live by our family mission and values.
  2. Get up earlier to start my day earlier.
  3. Consistently arrive home before supper-hour.
  4. Delegate my general roles; protect my unique roles.
  5. Schedule and protect personal hobby time.
  6. Make exercise and physical activity a priority.
  7. Schedule and protect time with my kids.
  8. Love their mother (Deidre, my wife) so they learn what to expect from a relationship.
  9. Build value in them so they learn self-respect.
  10. Teach them that God loves them no matter what!
  11. Teach them that ministry is our response to God’s love, and not God’s love itself.
  12. Make the first day of school as special as possible (Sept 2019; Sept 2021).
  13. Love Deidre during this transition (ie. Make sure she has a tea from Tim Hortons).
  14. Make it a habit to pick them up from school.
  15. Find a need and volunteer at their school.
  16. Continue to tell Deidre how much I love her every day.
  17. Protect date night.
  18. Plan something incredible for our 10 year wedding anniversary (July 2019).
  19. Live closer to “enough;” less in “excess.”
  20. Become more strategically generous.
  21. Pay final student loan payment (2020).
  22. Become a home owner (2025).
  23. Be a continual learner.
  24. Continue to take healthy risks.
  25. Make the most of every opportunity.
  26. Don’t let every opportunity take the best out of me.
  27. Become better at learning, remembering and using people’s names.
  28. Be faithful with the ministry I’m called to lead.
  29. Annually increase engagement with my blog (The Journey Holm).
  30. Write a book (2024).

To make sure these goals and aspirations become a reality, I’m going to need to do a few things:

  • Stay in line with SCRIPTURE – These goals are important to me, but if I leave what I believe and value the most behind, my success in these 30 will be in vain.
  • Add SPECIFIC, MEASURABLE and TIME-ORIENTED goals – this public list shows my intent, but it doesn’t completely capture the “how.” In order for me to succeed, I have to write how and when I’m going to accomplish them.1
  • Ensure ACCOUNTABILITY – I always ask God’s Spirit to keep me in line and I’ve made my list public (that helps), but I also need honest people in my life (wife, friends, mentors…) to hold me accountable so that the next ten years are actually a success. Let’s face it, the Spirit prompts us, but often has to use someone else to nudge us.

Your turn…

So now that I’ve been pretty open and transparent, it’s your turn to challenge yourself!

What do you hope to accomplish in the next stage of your life? How and when will you make it happen?

I would love to hear from you!  Feel free to comment below, on social media, or by email (andrewholm@gmail.com).  SUBSCRIBE HERE!

References   [ + ]

Bring Back the 50s “Wife”!?

Balancing Towards a Healthy Marriage

Reading Time: 5 minutes

A photo has recently circulated around social media describing how a wife in the 1950s should prepare for her husband’s return from work.  Now, before I say anything else, let the record show that if I expected any of these items from my wife, she wouldn’t be my wife for very long. But the picture did get me thinking – have we discarded some valuable marriage advice on account of the extreme conditions we found ourselves in?

bring-back-the-50s-wife

If you have yet to see the photo, here it is:

tips-to-look-after-your-husband

We read these 1950s guidelines humorously in 2016.  Many today can’t even imagine living in a world with that mindset.

But here’s the issue: we have to realize we’re people of extremes. We tend to go from one extreme (nearly abuse of women) to the other (nearly abuse of men).  You could argue against those extremes if you want, but the pendulum definitely swings.

In Canada, the divorce rate has leveled off in recent years, but so has the commitment of marriage.1  In our push to treat women better, we haven’t solved marriage problems.  The problems are just different now.

So, here’s my question: have we discarded anything of value?  To use the common phrase: “Have we thrown the baby out with the bathwater?”

Here are some thoughts to consider:

1. Selflessness is the key to a healthy marriage.

A healthy #marriage should include two people who put the other before themselves. Click To TweetThe verse that says, “Wives submit to your husbands…and husbands love your wives, like Christ loved the Church…” (Ephesians 5:22f) is often misunderstood.  The key to that verse is selflessness.  A healthy marriage should include two people who put the other person before themselves. Why not spoil your spouse!?  The only potential problem – it can’t be one-sided.

2. Generalized gender roles shouldn’t exist.

Our culture demands gender roles – what men and women should and shouldn’t do. Biblically, this shouldn’t be the case.  Jacob and Esau are great examples.  Both were male and yet completely different.  Esau was a hunter, while Jacob was a home-maker.  At no point, does scripture say either of them were “outside” of their gender.2  A healthy marriage doesn’t include generalized roles, rather leverages the strengths of each other.  That means some of these guidelines could actually help stay-at-home dads as well.

3. Listening and communicating to your spouse is a good thing.

If you haven’t heard this before, you haven’t been listening.  Communication and genuinely listening to your spouse is a part of a healthy marriage.  A common issue among divorcees is a lack of attention for each other.  Again, it can’t be one-sided, but it’s something we should value and protect for sure.

4. It takes a community to raise a child.

This 1950 guide seems to put most of the active parenting role on the mother; however, both parents (and sometimes other family and friends) hold that responsibly.  It’s probably safe to say we all agree with that.  The problem is, when we discard this traditional mindset, we can’t forget that if someone does stay home with the children (either parent) their level of daily parenting is still greater.  The responsibility might be equal, while the activity may not be.  A healthy marriage recognizes this dynamic.

5. Stress goes both ways.

There’s no need for “making him comfortable.”  But let’s face it, everyone deals with a variety of issues every day.  A healthy marriage recognizes the daily stress of their spouse.  It’s probably not a good idea to compare the level of stress – the stress is just different.  I wish I was better at this, but creating a “winding-down time” before diving into the world of parenting a toddler would be helpful.

6. Make the evening “ours”.

A healthy #marriage is about being together. #unity #HealthyAttention Click To TweetAfter a long day make efforts to spend quality time together.  Watch your favorite TV show, play a game, or share a funny story.  Even if it’s work around the house, time spent together is valuable.  If there’s one thing this guide has right, is protecting the need for the home to be a safe and peaceful place. It just shouldn’t be one-sided.  A healthy marriage is about being together.

I can’t say I’m perfect on all these fronts [and my wife would say, “Amen!”], but they are things I value and try to work on.

At the end of day, we should probably take this 1950s list and apply it to both spouses.  We have the tendency to dismiss things.  If we lived more selflessly, however, marriage would become a sought after commitment instead of a traditional option.

Your turn…

What aspects would you want to protect or return?  How can we move towards balance and not another extreme?

I would love to hear from you!  Feel free to comment below, on social media, or by email (andrewholm@gmail.com).  SUBSCRIBE HERE!

References   [ + ]